It is never enough
I am writing this in the middle of the Phoenix Park — one of Europe’s most stunning urban parks. And I can say with total certainty that I’ve never experienced something so sublime as I am experiencing it right now. I never thought I would.
Every one of us have dreams, and I am certain that I am living mine right now. If someone told me that I would be, one day, sitting on a bench with my laptop in the middle of the afternoon, watching people pass me by writing about my life in Europe, I would have told them to cut it out, because that would never happen.
Turns out that I would have been wrong.
Since I was a little kid, my one and only true dream is to live in an English-speaking country. For me, that was unreachable. Farfetched. Borderline impossible. Now, I am living in Ireland, surrounded by people I didn’t know could be so kind, in a city so full of culture and colour. I get to speak english every single day. I get to ride a bike. I get to enjoy the little things in life I didn’t knew I enjoyed because I felt imprisoned in my own country, living in constant fear and uncertainty.
6 months into this, I still cannot grasp the reality that I am in Europe. “Europe?” —I would say— “that’s just another world”.
Growing up, my goals broadened. When I started in the web development industry, I would constantly get inspiration and knowledge from all over the internet, but there was this place were you could find it all. Where the culture of progress, learning. community and success was the number one thing. Not even in my wildest dreams I could have imagined that I would become part of this wonderful family. When speaking to my friends and family about this, many times the conversation would boil down to me saying: “Me, there? Unthinkable”.
I wanted it so bad. It is now a reality.
I feel like I am blessed, yet unfulfilled. I would have never imagined that I would be doing almost all that I love at the same time. And now that I am here, I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what’s next.
I don’t know if it’s exciting. I don’t know if it’s frightening. But I do know one thing: it is not enough.
I always feel like I am not working hard enough, but life constantly proves me wrong. But this is not enough. And if this happens to you… if the special turns to normal, the farfetched becomes the norm, and when the impossible turns into reality, you may feel there’s nothing else.
But there is, because it is never enough.